My Confession.

I dont express myself well. More accurately said, I almost NEVER express myself. I've been told I'm this way today. And I found it to be true also. I think why I'm like this is because I sometimes feel what I'm thinking about is not important enough to speak it out. Even if its kind of an important thing, I'd delay it, think about it more. If it's not REALLY REALLY important then I'd just scratch it altogether. Maybe the true is....I just dont have the confidence to say out what I really feel. No confidence to think that maybe MY thoughts matter to anyone. That anyone actually care what I think. Sometimes even I myself dont think my opinions are important enough also. Or maybe sometimes before I say something I gotta think long and hard whether what I say would hurt or offend anyone or not. Another thing is, I dont take confrontation well. I almost ALWAYS run away from confrontations. I loath them. I fear them. I kinda DO realise this and have been trying to change myself. But old habits die hard i guess? haha..Being the "good girl" I am when I was young, when trying to talk, to ask a question, I was stopped and scolded because I was too noisy and was told to shut up and wait my turn patiently. haha. Im blaming the way I am on the adults. xD This is a very very rare occation where I bare my soul~ I DO actually tell people how I feel sometimes. But always to my closest friends I trust fully and completely only. I realise I need to open myself up to people more. Takes courage. Takes trust. Takes time. I'm moving out from my house in klang that I've been living in since I was 4. So its been 17 years I've been living here now. To move away to strange place now is very devastating for me. All comforts of home is gone. And mom even said she might sell the house. Where am I gonna go when I'm in Klang? No idea what I'm gonna do la...The place im going to now is not bad la...but its really cramped since 3 people sleeping there. I'm gonna rent the teeny tiny attic I guess. Put all my stuff there, and then at night sleep in the room with aircon with the girls. Don't know how am I gonna survive there. Living with my friends, with so many other new people I dont know. I've stayed over there a couple of times but this time I'm actually a tenent there. Im moving away from all my friends in Klang, from my security net, my familarity. Sounding a little dramatic? I worry about being too dramatic sometimes also, that's why I dont sound out my brain's ramblings. Its weird but true, my brains work better at night. I'm only able to think like this when the sun dont shine. lol. At night, late night, my mind comes alive with so many theories of life, plans, dreams and ambitions. But when daybreaks they're all gone! hahahahaa sial not? This could be the wordiest post I've done. Maybe it's for 1 night only~Just gonna write whatever pops into my mind ler. Have to learn 2 paramore songs : crush and conspiracy. "Audition" is on this Sat. Not really sure if I could do it or not. Come on Jane! You can do this! You can overcome this!!! Do it~ DO it~ JUST DO IT!!! lol. ok bye.